please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
