I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
