so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
