We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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