Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
