You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize