I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize