he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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