in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
