Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
