I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
