Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
