Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
