I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
wow bdsm is so cute
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
