Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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