well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
