P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
