we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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