Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
