i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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