it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
