There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
