My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize