I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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