oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
