We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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