He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
