I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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