i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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