can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
