Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
