Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
