Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
