What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
