I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
