dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
