Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
