Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
