Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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