I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
worst night to have a conscience
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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