The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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