I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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