he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
