If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
