have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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