Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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