And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize