AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize