Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
