Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize