new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize