I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
