i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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