So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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