I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
