sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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