Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
