It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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