im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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