One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
