Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
