hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
