well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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