When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
