We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
