what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
