im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
