im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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